miserable

i saw this list today on facebook, it was posted by the jealous curator, one of my favorite blogs.  it was originally created as part of the artist's survival kit, by keri smith.  click here to a link to the blog post in which it was included.  the idea was that you could print out the kit, and use it when you were ready to quit the whole art thing.  i know some of you may find this a bit negative, but for me, it truly resonates.  a sense of humor is also nice to add while reading!!

enjoy!

a week of printmaking

yours, truly

cool cat

i spent almost a week in taos, and much of that time making prints.  i would have made even more prints, but ran out of white ink.  i wasn't too worried about running out, as there is a fabulous art supply store in taos, and i was sure that finding what i needed was no problem.  sadly, the art store has closed in taos.  i guess the faltering economy has one more victim.  

tomorrow i will begin painting again.  i have decided to take some classes with a local (very talented) painter named mark nelson.  my friend kelly has been studying with him, and i think she is doing some great stuff.  we will paint for 3 mondays in a row, and then go to moab, utah as our culminating activity. in moab, we will paint for 3 days outdoors.  i need this.  i love to paint, and it was my first love artistically.  it taught me so much about drawing, value, color, texture, and having people looking over my shoulder.  i haven't really painted seriously for 2 years.  other stuff has peaked my interest, and painting has played the "ignored toy in the corner" role.  i do need to pick it back up and play again.  i just hope that i can still do it.  i hope it's like riding  a bike or ice skating--a skill you put into muscle memory, and just know how to do once you try again.

if you are so inclined, a little prayer of confidence would be appreciated.  i selfishly don't want to suck in front of a whole new group of people.

inner turmoil

i made these collages in a sketchbook as an exercise.  the good and bad feelings one has around being a creative person.  

there are two of me.  the one who doesn't feel like a real artist.  the one who doubts. and the other me is the one who celebrates my work, and puts it out for all the world to see.  so how does one find the place in between being a bragger, being vulnerable, and being earnest?

marketing oneself as an artist is difficult.  it's like putting the inside of yourself on the outside for everyone to set their eyes upon.  it's uncomfortable, but at the same time necessary.  one moment you feel all vulnerable...will they like it?  will they think you suck?  and the next moment, you are on top of the world, a cheerleader for your talent and ability to create.  maybe that's why there are so many crazy artists out there.  they can't find the balance between needing to create art, and needing to market it to pay the bills.

today i am in between.  i guess i need to make one more collage to add to the ones above.  it should represent the artist who is situated somewhere in the middle of these two states.  the calm artist who makes work because it is truly inside, needing to come out.  the artist who places her work into the universe, and lets the people decide if it speaks to them enough to want it in their home.

it's on the list.  when it's done, i'll let you see....

so much for focus

what?, you say?  no photo with her blog entry today?  that's because every single piece of art i did went in the trash yesterday.  i will call it a "cleansing" day, to make it sound like a positive learning experience.  but it didn't seem that way.  i had to go home and vent to my poor dear husband for an hour, then have a glass of wine, then take a very long walk with the dog and husband to clear it all out.  but i feel better today.

this whole artist thing is very exhausting.  don't let anyone tell you otherwise, because they are just lying.

ok...on to a better day.

good news/bad news

the bad news?  my class with lynn perella was cancelled this week in taos.  i was really looking forward to a week-long retreat with other collage artists.  dang.  it seems like the weather in west texas screwed up the transmission of natural gas in the pipeline to new mexico.  so most of northern new mexico has had no gas since thursday. (today is sunday).  this is just awful, because most people depend on gas to heat their homes.  i am hoping that the end of this happens very soon.  we truly don't know when the gas will go back on.  so i'm saying a little prayer for the people there.

the other bad news is that my dear husband is sitting in our house in taos with no heat.  he left on friday, and is still waiting for the gas.  i guess they finally turned off the meter late last night (saturday), and hopefully they will be around sometime today or tomorrow to turn it back on.  they say that everything must first be turned off, then the pressure in the lines need to be restored, and then they have to once again go house to house and re-light the gas.  with over 30,000 people in need of these steps, it's gonna take a long time.  

the good news?  our pipes were saved by my hero from being frozen.  he has space heaters in the bathrooms and laundry room keeping it warm.  he's a bit chilly in the larger living spaces, but he has an electric blanket, and has figured out to heat water in the coffee pot to wash with.  he says he's bored silly, can't really leave the house because if he does he might miss the gas workers.  and if you aren't there when they come, they tag your house and then you have to make an appointment to get a re-light.  i know everyone is trying their very best, but it's a gargantuan mess.

the other good news?  well, you can see it in the photo above.  my most recent junk trip. i went to the antique mall and found all of this for under $20.  i am feeling quite proud.  i don't exactly know what i will do with all of these treasures, but they will show up somewhere in the near future.  

tag dress

(the story of this dress is on my last post, below.  if you can't tell, the whole dress is made from tags.)

well, i think i'm done.   it's got it's issues.  i can tell you one thing after sewing this dress.  it is NOT easy to work with tags.  this thing is, they are of different weights and thicknesses.  and so the fabric doesn't act normally.  you will see that one sleeve isn't as puffy, and that there are some lumps and bumps.  but the good news is...

I DID IT!!

it's kind of a lesson in process versus product.  if i made a second dress, i would do a better job.  because i learned from the first one.  it's a good lesson for all of us.  and i think i am pretty satisfied with the result.

now back to prints.

no strings

so i didn't get my stuff into the show. that's ok. i have to build up some thick skin. i was kinda down yesterday and so i painted this (very ugly hideous painting that i had to delete before it made me crazy). it's a bit different from my usual. i'm calling it "no strings". i'm not quite done. feel like the hands and feet need some work. and maybe the yellow is too bright? (or maybe i could just rip it up and try again?)

anyway, it just came out of my brain yesterday. frustration with being a new artist in an old world. that's why she's naked under that dress (and she looks like a freak). feeling really vulnerable. the whole thing is a little (a lot) high school, really. but it made me feel better. maybe i have worked through actually cutting some strings. isn't that what art is about? sometimes it's not the product (thank god), but the process. this one will always remind me of the feelings i had on that day. and it will probably never go in a a frame or be sold (more like the trash can). it's more like a diary entry, only bigger! ha!

AAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!

i am so damn frustrated. i brought a gessoed panel to the studio today to paint another figure in the series i am working on. it's a piece of crap!! this is what i ended up with after 2 hours. i started the whole process by tinting the panel cadmium red. let it dry. started painting and noticed that some of the red was coming up with the new color on top. so i tried to do a little test and scratched lightly with my fingernail. the paint scratched right off. i already had the whole painting blocked in, so i was not amused. i took it to the sink, and the entire thing washed right off. so i dried it, checked the package to make sure it was made for acrylic ONE MORE TIME. package said it was suitable for oils and acrylics...so i thought...maybe if i sand it first. so i did, and i re-started. seemed better. the tint coat didn't bead up this time. so i started painting again. from the photo you can see what happened. had the whole thing blocked in...seemed better...tried the scratch test...seemed ok...then the bad part. i made a mistake while painting, and tried to wipe it off while the paint was still wet. i do this ALL the time on canvas and paper. the dang paint wiped right off and TOOK EVERY LAYER down to the "gesso". so i brought it back to the sink, and you can see what happened with a wipe of paper towel. so i am DONE with this "gessoed" panel. it's now in the trash.

i feel better now. i am always telling the kids about product failure at school. that sometimes things don't work, and that is part of the artistic process. but i am still mad, and want to write the speedball company a big fat letter. i know i won't, but it still feels good to say so.

if you don't know me well, you may not know that i tend to vent with a big bunch of words. i just did...

now back to the proverbial drawing board.