thinking

the arts festival this weekend got my brain vibrating with thoughts.  i don't know about you, but for me, putting out your creative flotsam to the world is quite intimidating.  your art is a direct extension of who you are.  and it's pretty scary to let it be displayed out there in the universe and be judged.  people are always telling me that i should just harden myself, and i have done that.  i think the years of putting stuff on the walls have helped me be a little better about being judged. 

so.  the thoughts.  i walked around the festival each day on my break.  and i saw some amazing stuff.  and i started judging myself in the same way as others.  (well not exactly the same, because i do have a pretty personal relationship with my work).  anyway, i was feeling the pressure of being around so many talented artists, and sizing myself up in comparison.  and what i felt was that i needed to find a way to make my art better.  

there is a picture in my mind's eye of what my work should look like.  these images sometimes come to me in dreams.  but for some reason i usually can't make that picture appear on the surface in front of me.  my brain and my hand disconnect.  i want to be looser, edgier, a better draftsman.  but what happens on that page often does not make the cut.  

sometimes that image of what should be appears.  but it is usually few and far between.  so my goal for now is to make art.  make it every day, and hope that the repetition causes the few and far to become the new normal for me.

tomorrow is day one.  i'll start with getting back into my sketchbook, which has sat dormant forever.  we'll see what happens. 

 i do have a good feeling about this.